Saturday: There are people in this world who give the distinct impression they are a safe pair of hands – police officers, handy men, David Seaman. In this bracket, I would always put barristers and judges, who always seem in control. Which made the following announcement all the more disappointing this week at court: “Would all legal representative check to make sure they are wearing their own wigs and gowns”. Rain.

Sunday: I recently mentioned grand plans to build a set of table and chairs for my balcony at home. After a speedy start the frame of the first chair was knocked together but I’ve come across a large sticking point. The wood I “found” on the side of the road and am using to make said furniture is rather firmly nailed together. I can’t seem to separate it. I’m hoping to make more progress this weekend. Windy.

Next week: When I say the wood was found, I mean it, for an astonishingly large amount of raw materials are found discarded by the side of the road throughout London. I’m all against flytipping but, as an ardent recycler of materials, I’m starting to see the upside of large pile of rubbish dumped on the side of the street. They can be made into a rather good set of garden furniture after a bit of work. Showers.