Saturday: So, the credit crunch has definitely hit Ealing Council. Item 17 grandly announced the “allocation of £1 capital for youth facilities” on Tuesday on its website. All ideas I’m sure are welcome on how to divide the extensive funds, but my bet is on a penny whistle band for 100 local youngsters. In fact, I’ll match Ealing Council’s funding and the kids can share two Mars Bars during the break. Dry.

Sunday: There is a trend developing. I am a Spurs fan and, as you may know, they have had the worst start to a season since 1512. Last season wasn’t much better, but that time I had top defender Michael Dawson to meet and cheer me up. After that, things started to get better. So imagine my delight as I found I could meet first team coach Gus Poyet. The winning ways will be back before I know it. Sunny.

Next week: Mark Ramprakash pulled out of opening a new branch of Boots, presumably when he realised there was no apparent reason for him being there, other than the fact that he is vaguely famous. From what I have heard around the office, he is an excellent dancer, and that is how he made his name. Somebody suggested that he might have been pretty good at playing cricket, but I can’t confirm that. Showers.