I am rather partial to an urban myth. My favourite of all time is, sadly, not fit for family viewing and involves a young man still living at home with his parents, a music player, headphones and a cup of tea. It is my myth of choice as I witnessed something similar back in the day, with a guy we shall call Rab, whose weapon of choice was not a Sony Walkman, but a Kays catalogue.

This is closely followed by ‘reports’ of a scuba diver allegedly picked up by a fire helicopter and being dumped on the middle of a bush fire in the Outback. Like a channel 5 drama plot, it has more holes in than a wedge of Swiss cheese. I do not believe that the bush is near enough to the sea to cause this to happen, nor that the body was found, in the middle of a raging inferno, with full scuba gear on after the flames had been dampened. This story was apparently originally in the film Barney’s Version which it is doubtful was ever nominated for any Baftas or Oscars.

Now one of the most fabled myths of all time, and one I believe I have taken part in, as an unruly teen, before I embraced my love for the environment, is that of cow tipping. Now, if not in the know, that does not mean tipping as in giving a bonus for services rendered but sneaking up on cows who apparently sleep upright and gently pushing them over. I have recounted tales of doing this after a few shandies in the local, but having just seen it listed as an urban myth, I am unsure as to if I have lied to such an extent that I have convinced myself I partook in this cruel and unusual ritual.

Harrow Times: Urban myths thrive on the internet. Photos: Pixabay

The urban tall tale is not unique in their lunacy to these climes, although ours seem to have some element of humour which separates us from international neighbours. In Japan, Hanako-San is a young girl who haunts school washrooms. To summon her, you must enter the female bathrooms on the third floor of a school, knock three times and ask if she is present. I imagine their education safeguarding policies, sadly, are not as stringent as their UK counterparts.

In May 2001, New Delhi residents began reporting a small character of around a metre tall, matted in hair with red eyes, making a peculiar sound as it attacked local residents. Initial reports that Nicola Sturgeon was the culprit were soon dismissed, and the legend of the ‘monkey man of Delhi’ was born, along with the police release of the oddest photofit you will ever see.

Harrow Times: Urban myths thrive on the internet. Photos: Pixabay

Many of them are rather perverse including Madam Koi-Koi in Nigeria, a dead teacher who haunts boarding schools. Obviously a huge fan of the state education system one might surmise, although not as eery as the Polish black Volga, where a limousine apparently drives around aimlessly abducting children, which backs the shouts for the Polski Police to urgently invest in a new ANPR system.

I guess an urban myth is but a tale, made up by mischief-making individuals which should lead to such folly becoming more frequent with the ease and access of spreading gossip courtesy of the world wide web. They are little different to fables of old, where Little Red Riding Hood marked herself out as a numpty of the highest order, not fathoming that the wolf in gran's clothing was just that, or the three bears becoming so domesticated they had taken to dressing, cooking porridge and sleeping in one of Dreams' finest. As for me, it’s getting dark now and I need to use the toilet. Thankfully, we don’t have a third floor as I don’t fancy a one to one with Hanako-San with which to cap off a less than memorable lockdown weekend.

  • Brett Ellis is a teacher